Music is deeply, deeply personal.That’s why I don’t write much about it.There are pieces, I swear, if someone walked in to shoot me when I was listening to them I wouldn’t even notice.This effect is amplified in autumn.I don’t listen to music all the time.In fact, I rarely do.The reason is, counterintuitively, I fear that music may cease being meaningful to me.Good things have a way of running out.The music I like is only very slowly supplemented.So as the clouds encroached this month, I put on some tunes and I began thinking of appropriate songs of the season.I’ve heard attempts of more recent artists to sound spooky, but their lyrics don’t match the mood I’m seeking—remember, it’s deeply personal.So what is autumnal music?
Despite being a fundamentalist, I was raised on rock-n-roll.My favorite artist growing up was Alice Cooper; in fact, to this day Alice is the only secular rock artist I’ve seen in concert.Two tracks on Welcome to My Nightmare are among those eerie autumn songs: “Years Ago,” and “Steven.”This album was profoundly sunk in my psyche before I discovered others.While not scary in the same way, “Brilliant Disguise” from Bruce Springsteen’s Tunnel of Love hits a similar chord.The melancholy of autumn must be appeased and this song begs to bring it on.Many of Leonard Cohen’s songs are like the angst of this season bottled up for a restorative tincture, but I was quite a bit older when I discovered Nick Cave.
The Boatman’s Call with its willowy sound and occasionally explicit lyrics, walks that line between a deep-seated spirituality and fear.There are others, of course, some even fairly recent.Imagine Dragons’ “Demons” from Night Vision certainly qualifies, as do the first two tracks on Muse’s The Resistance.But this is my list, and I fear to reveal too much.Someone who knows your music knows very much about you.I hear some people discuss music as if it’s a throw-away commodity.For others of us it has become part of our souls and we’re reluctant to reveal too much.New members of this autumn music club are added only very slowly, and I reacquaint myself with the long-term members not frequently enough to rob me of their impact.So it was as the clouds thickened and the cold wind began to blow as the leaves were beginning to turn that I put on my personal songs of the season.And there was transcendence, but it was, as transcendence tends to be, deeply personal.
Fall creeps up on me every year.I like to have an array of seasonal books to read so that when it arrives I’ll be ready.With house repair costs this year I’ve had to curtail book buying.That, and most of the titles on my to-read list are used books that seem to have become extortionately expensive since the 1970s.In any case Cherie Priest’s The Toll stood face out on the shelves of Buffalo Street Books in Ithaca and it caught my attention.Set in the Okefenokee Swamp in Georgia, this unsettling novel brings the reader into the liminal space of the dying small town.There’s a bit of magic in Staywater, although everyone who lives there knows it hasn’t got long before it goes altogether.And every thirteen years a monster comes.
Priest knows not to describe the nameless creature too clearly.The monster seen in broad daylight can quickly lose its patina of fear.This is some kind of supernatural swamp beast and everyone local seems to know it’s picking them off.The outside authorities, however, pay no attention to small towns that have “nothing to offer” to the greater economy.That aspect resonated with me as the erstwhile denizen of a community of less than a thousand.I watched the dissolving of my adoptive hometown as the tax-base shrank to the point that they could no longer afford to pave the streets and decided to go back to gravel.Once the oil refinery—what gave the town “value”—closed, outside interest disappeared.Ah, but I digress from fiction.
The Tool is a moody novel that doesn’t take itself too seriously.There’s backstory here that remains untold.Two of the protagonists are elderly female cousins who are comfortable with the spiritual world.They are the past saviors of this little town in the swamp.The other characters have all come to an uneasy peace with their periodic tormentor and they have nowhere else to go.When the monster strikes against unwary outsiders the locals don’t welcome outside attention.Those acquainted with small communities know that’s what life is like.Attention brings cash, but often unwelcome change as well.One of the more haunting aspects of this novel is the number of threads left dangling in the wind.Not everything is resolved, and life goes on much as it always has, without or without the monster.A moody read, this ghost story has, it is clear, a deeper message.
Yellow and orange leaves on a damp pavement.A sky claustrophobically occluded with gray clouds.A decided chill in the air.All you have to do is add a few pumpkins and the feeling of October is complete.I don’t know why this particular image of the change of seasons grips me the way it does.As a homeowner I don’t want to turn the heat on too soon because the gas bills will jet up and will stay that way for seven or eight months.I get depressed when skys are cloudy for days at a time.Around here the leaves have only just begun to change.In other words, there’s a decided difference between the way I imagine October and the way that it feels on the ground.In my imagination there are Ray Bradbury titles, The October Country, The Autumn People, but here in the physical world I shiver and add another layer.
Over the past several weeks I’ve been struggling to figure out why horror appeals to me.It seems to be the Poe-esque mood rather than any startles or gore.The sense of mystery that hangs in the air when you simply don’t know what to expect.Will it be a warm, summer-like day or will it be rainy and raw, a day when you wouldn’t venture outside without the necessity to do so?October is like that.It is changeable.Beginning in late September it is dark longer than it is light and for much of the rest of the year I will go to bed when it’s dark outside.It’s always still dark when I awake.Is it any wonder that October has its hooks in me?
Short stories, of which I’ve had about twenty published, seem to be the best way to capture this mood.You see, it isn’t a sustained feeling.It’s piecemeal like that extra quilt you throw on your bed at night.The urge to hibernate creeps in, but capitalism doesn’t allow for that.October is an artist, and I’m just the guy wandering the galley, pausing before each painting.This feeling only comes after summer, and it is fleeting.In November the leaves will be down and the cold will settle in quite earnestly.The candles we lit for Halloween will be our guide-lights to those we hold out to Christmas when the dayglow will begin to return at an hour that reminds us change is the only thing that’s permanent.And in this there’s a profound hope.
For the next sixty seconds… (If you were born after Civil Defense aired these commercials, it’s your loss.) I’ve been reading about animal intelligence—there will be more on this anon. Today’s lesson is on artificial intelligence. For now let this be an illustration of how difficult it is to come down from an inspired weekend to the daily technology-enhanced drudgery we call day-to-day life. One of the real joys of seeing art in person is that no tech intervenes in the experience. It is naked exposure to another human being’s expression of her or himself. Over the weekend we wandered through five venues of intense creativity and then, back home, it was once more into the web. The ever-entangling internet of things.
I write, for better or for worse, on my laptop. My writing’s actually better on paper, but you need everything in electronic form for publication, so who has the time to write and retype, especially when work is ten hours of your day? Then a system update alert flashes in the upper right corner of my screen. “Okay,” I say setting the laptop aside, “go ahead and update.” But then the message that states I have to clear enough gigs for an update. I have been a little too creative and I’ve used my disc space for stuff I’ve made rather than Apple. This is a test. Okay, so I plug in my trusty terabyte drive to back things up before deleting them. But the laptop doesn’t recognize the drive. Oh, so it needs a reboot! (Don’t we all?) I give the command to restart. It can’t because some app refuses to quit beach-balling, as if it is the computer that’s doing the actual thinking. Force quit. “Are you sure?” the Mac cheekily asks. “You might lose unsaved changes.” I need a technological evangelist, I guess.
All of this takes time away from my precious few minutes of daily creativity. Restart, login, start copying files. Time for work! Just a mere sixty hours ago or less I was wandering through showcases of genuine human creation. Art pieces that make you stop and ponder, and not have to upgrade the software. Artists can talk to you and shake your hand. Explain what they’ve tried to express in human terms. Meanwhile my phone had died and was pouting while I charged it. I know Apple wants me to upgrade my hardware—their technological extortion is well known. Anyone who uses a computer experiences it. Buy a new one or I’ll waste your time. The choice is yours. This is a test. For the next sixty years…
It’s a weird world.Publishing, I mean.In the early days of shock and angst after Nashotah House, when it had become clear that UWOsh—the University of Wisconsin, Oshkosh—wasn’t going to hire me full-time after a full-time year there, I considered that classic fall-back of the academic—publishing.I wasn’t exactly clear on what an editor did in those days, but I was pretty sure I could learn.Gorgias Press hired me and after just over two years, downsized.I’d been in publishing long enough at that point to have learned about Transaction Publishers.Housed on the Livingston campus of Rutgers University, where I’d been teaching for a few years at this point, Transaction had been founded by the sociologist Irving Horowitz.Now that Gorgias was out of the picture, I contacted Transaction out of the blue and landed an interview with Horowitz himself.Although he was most cordial, it didn’t lead to a job offer.
Eventually I was recruited by Routledge.I was about to learn the nature of publishing in a whole new way.Early in my time in the Taylor & Francis group (they had a letter signed by Walt Whitman in one of the board rooms) I learned that presses grow by acquiring other presses.I suggested Transaction, only to be told it was too small of a “concern;” Taylor & Francis preferred larger fish.When Routledge downsized I found myself again applying to Transaction.Irving Horowitz had passed away by this point and before I could make an appeal, I was hired by my current employer.There I have been ever since.
The other day I had cause to look up Transaction.It was with some surprise that I learned they had been acquired by Taylor & Francis and merged with Routledge.I’m sure that my suggestion of that acquisition had nothing to do with it, but I pondered what would’ve happened had I been hired by Transaction after Routledge cut me loose.A few years later I would’ve found myself working for Routledge again.And likely I would have found history repeating itself.Publishing is a fairly small industry.Books are a low-margin commodity (it pains me to type those words, but that’s the way the business world sees them).Not too many people are interested in a company that has to sell lots of a specialty item in order to make them profitable.Consumers tend not to buy books in bulk.My time in publishing has been about connections.And some of those connections are just plain weird.
One of the many trails that wend their way through Ithaca is the Art Trail.(The town finds waypoints on the wine and beer trails of the southern tier as well, but we were looking for visual art.)In early October several artists open their studios—these are personal places—to the tourists passing through.Those of us on the trail are seeking inspiration in human expression.I’ve neglected my own art for many years.While other guys my age are retiring and expressing their boredom, I struggle to find enough time to write, dreaming of the day when I can again take up my pencils and brushes.Being in so many studios over the weekend jump-started something in me.Humans are at their most god-like when they create.
Seeing artists in context is revealing.They don’t worry too much about convention.I found myself hanging toward the back of our little group.There was so much of others’ souls on display here.While some were young, a fair number were older than me.Perhaps retired from a novocaine job that dulled many days until enough years had passed and the need to let the art out escaped.If felt like visiting a small farm where the true independent, liberal spirit of this country once resided.These were farmers with paint brushes rather than shotguns and Trump bumperstickers.Free thinkers, not Fox thinkers.Under a sky October blue after two days of rain and gray, this was a mosaic of autumn.Art is a muse.I think of my neglected brushes and dried out paints, tucked away in the attic.
Modern art sometimes feels like someone slapped a frame around something random, but in talking with the creator something different emerges.Something that doesn’t feel like plastic.Something that defies words.Like poems sometimes break conventional lines, art refuses to be confined.Some of these studios used to be living rooms.Houses converted and dedicated to creativity.Why is this so difficult to accomplish in my own life?How has the time come to be consumed with work, even when the commute has been effaced?I suppose I’ve been using words to express myself—this blog is certainly an example of that.It is, however, a mere fraction of visual ideas awaiting release.I don’t know if I could ever open my studio to strangers.Art trails are labyrinths, and once you’ve entered that maze, it will take some time to reemerge.And when I do I know I will have been transformed.
I am not a conservative.There, I’ve said it.You have very little control over who your parents are or how they raise you.As I confessed here many times, I was raised in a conservative Christian home of the fundamentalist stripe.Like most kids scared of Hell I took it all very seriously.It is the reason I followed the career path—or perhaps career swamp trek—that I have.In any case, the other day I was looking through a Baker Academic catalogue.Baker, in case you don’t follow the high drama of the publishing industry, is one of the many Christian publishing houses with roots in Grand Rapids, Michigan.Like most publishers in that collective, it tends toward the conservative end of the theological spectrum.As I flipped through I noticed bio after bio of authors with Ph.D.s from Edinburgh, Cambridge, and other prestigious universities in the United Kingdom.
I hadn’t been warned, you see.Many conservatives who want a doctorate study in the UK because they can do so without taking all those classes that will make them examine the Bible critically.That’s not why I went to Edinburgh, but I can see how it might look like that from the outside.I went to Grove City College—a bastion of conservatism.(I was raised that way, remember?)My next educational move should give the lie to my attempt to remain conservative; Boston University School of Theology was considered the most liberal United Methodist seminary in the pre-Internet days.I attended for that very reason.Edinburgh, my true alma mater, was selected because they offered a scholarship that made it possible for a poor kid to finish a doctorate.I wasn’t conservative when I went, and I wasn’t conservative when I came out.
I didn’t get the memo, I guess.The sneaking suspicion that I might be conservative has dogged my career.My dissertation can be read that way, but it’s not a conservative argument.I merely suggested the decision to marry Yahweh off to Asherah was a bit hasty, based on the actual evidence.I’m all for married deities—they tend to be less frustrated toward humanity.Maybe the Almighty could speak to Mrs. God about correcting these worries about what I “really believe.”I went to a conservative college to learn—there were a fair number of attempts to indoctrinate there, but if you thought about things you could see through them, even with a fundie upbringing.But as I thumb through the catalogue I can see how perceptions can work against you, especially when your first job is at a conservative seminary, eh, Mrs. God?