Smile, You’re Condemned

Yesterday at Montclair State University, I was sitting in the hallway (my office) prior to class. (Office hours are required, but space is limited for adjuncts such as myself.) While I was reading my book a student walked up and handed me a business card. “For you, sir,” she said politely. The card had a smiley face on it, and was designed to bring cheer.

Then I flipped the card over and found out I was going to Hell. A bit of a downer when you’re about to start class!

It isn’t the first time people have attempted to convert me without bothering to find out what I believe. It seems that if you already hold the zealot’s view you’ll appreciate the gesture of being condemned just to make sure your soul is saved. It is the thought that counts, after all.

The book I was reading was Joseph Campbell’s The Hero with a Thousand Faces – a book I’ve known since college but from which I have only taken a tipple until this year. Many scholars of mythology fault Campbell on being too much of a generalist and looking too much for connections where they are not obvious. His language can be florid and mystical, verging on “believer,” for those uncomfortable with any kind of faith. I find Campbell to be a welcome guide, although, as for any guide, I do not believe all he says! One nugget in particular stuck out at me: “Wherever the poetry of myth is interpreted as biography, history, or science, it is killed.” As we find ourselves on Good Friday, only those with eyes firmly shut will disregard Campbell’s wisdom.

I still remember my shock when I first learned that gods, centuries before Jesus, had been dying and rising. What had always been presented to me as a unique historical event actually had a long and venerable prehistory. It suddenly seemed as if the ministers I’d known hadn’t done their homework. Or perhaps they lacked the cognitive finesse to understand Orpheus, Adonis, Baal, Osiris, and even Ishtar, as types of either blatant or obscure resurrection. It is the Campbellian, or nearly universal hope: life prevails over death. As the young lady walked away, I sincerely wished her happiness in the quest she’s only beginning.

8 thoughts on “Smile, You’re Condemned

  1. Henk van der Gaast

    Maybe your own set of Asherah cards to curry favour with the other campus zealots?

    You get to give another lecture!

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  2. The other week at Temple U, a group of well-meaning folks were handing out “Get Out of Hell Free” cards, with a very similar message on the back.

    When offered, I politely declined, telling them that I had a Papal Indulgence at home. (Which I do, they were giving them out at SBL the other year.)

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    • Steve Wiggins

      I missed the indulgences, Jim! Last time I tried to get one you had to pay for it! The “Get Out of Hell Free” card might have come in very handy the next time you’re playing spiritual Monopoly!

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  3. Jonathan

    I often think of Campbell at this time of year. His bit on the Easter Vigil hallowing of the font is quite good. The sexual imagery is startling to some outsiders, offensive to some ritual geeks, but the Church might do well to rediscover some of it.

    On another note, I’m not sure I see the connection between the three questions on the back of the Smile card… Have you ever noticed that these kinds of tracts usually have way too much text in tiny scrinchy fonts?

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    • Steve Wiggins

      Yes, Jonathan — Campbell is quite good on Easter! I lament the denial that we are mired in when the demands of literalism take over. The smiley card confused me as well. My best guess is that the group responsible chose what it believed to be some of the most common sins and highlighted those. Each religious group has its hot-button sins, but since “lying” is never directly addressed in the Bible (not the same as bearing false witness), it is especially insidious!

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      • Jonathan

        There are two assumptions here that “ChangeYourCampus” has made, but that don’t quite hold water:

        1. That if I have lied, cheated, or stolen, I have never considered that these actions might have moral significance and consequences.
        2. That if I’m *not* aware of the significance and consequences, a business card handed to me by a stranger can turn my life around.

        Could it really be that simple? The whole thing makes me smile, so I guess I *did* Have a Nice Day. 🙂

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  4. Henk van der Gaast

    Think I’ll take the “Vatican Express” card. The bill doesnt get sent to your post box.

    “Hell hath no fury…”

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