Those pyramids sure are sturdy. The other day I was reading something from a biblical literalist that was discussing the pyramids. The great pyramid of Khufu and its companions in Giza were built between about 2590 and 2505 BCE. They’ve been around a long time. Somewhat later this author casually mentioned Noah’s flood. It had never occurred to me before, but since Archbishop Ussher dated the creation of the world at 4004 (and so it appears in the Scofield Reference Bible), the flood took place in 2348 BCE. Now this flood was so catastrophic that it carved out the Grand Canyon and buried all those dinosaur bones that would eventually become fossils. It was more than a little inconvenient, and terribly disruptive. Except the pyramids had been around for well over a hundred years by that point. It’s a wonder they weren’t harmed.
Such inconsistencies populate much of literalist literature. When the Bible is the full measure of science and history and all human knowledge, there’s bound to be some issues, given that it was written at a specific time and place. You see, the pyramids aren’t even held together with mortar. These are loose stones we’re talking about, under great pressure. The “Bent Pyramid,” at Dahshur, changed its angle at half-way up. A physicist calculated that if they’d continued at the original angle, the weight of all that stone would’ve caused it to act like liquid, flowing like water. Best repent and rethink your plan. But these monuments were built to withstand world-wide floods! And the mummies weren’t even mildewed. If only Jericho’s walls had been so well built.
Maybe that’s why so many modern myths about the pyramids developed. This sacred shape somewhere between a square and a triangle is said to have unusual properties. I’ve read that if you put a dull razor (whatever that is) underneath a pyramid shape when you go to bed at night you’ll awaken to find it sharpened. Made of wire, that shape on your head will not only prevent aliens from reading your thoughts, but will boost the power of your psyche as well. The funny thing about the Bible is that it never mentions the pyramids at all. Joseph spent a bit of time there and his descendants stayed for centuries. Nobody bothered to note those wonders of the ancient world. Since we’re literalists, though, that gives us a way out. If the Bible doesn’t mention the pyramids they might not exist at all. Problem solved.