The Devil, You Know

I’m the first to admit that I’m behind the times. Too much of my free time is spent reading weird news or going to used book sales to keep abreast of what’s happening in the adult world. If it weren’t for my wife sending me news stories via the internet, I would still be wondering why Gorbachev isn’t helping to hunt down Osama Bin Laden. Since I’m captive to a religious worldview, I was interrupted in my calculations by the news that Ted Cruz is, allegedly, Lucifer. My research had me on the trail of Santa, since the simple transposition of two letters would give us the title of the Zoroastrian prosecuting attorney. And, I figured, it was fairly safe to out St. Nick when Christmas is still eight months away. Hopefully I’ll still find something in my stocking come December. I kind of figured that when we found the real devil he would be a Republican in any case. Even as I write this, Cruz is out of the race. I thought the Devil never gave up.

I wonder where else in the civilized world would politics be such a joke. Can you trust the opinion of a man named Boehner? It’s easy to change your name—just ask anyone who came through Ellis Island. They’re laughing at us, folks. Seriously, they are. I don’t get much email, but I’ve had two international missives asking me what’s going on over here. It’s a good thing I don’t know, otherwise I’d have to try to explain. You see, the Bible doesn’t say much about Satan at all. In the Hebrew Bible there is no devil. By scraping together the few references to “the Satan” and morning star, some have said the alleged Ted Cruz of ancient times was clearly in the Bible. Somewhere between the Testaments he showed up. By the time Jesus was old enough to climb temple towers, he was there. In the meantime the Zoroastrians had come down from the North Pole…

Then there’s the fact that when he’s not wearing a conservative suit and announcing a female running mate, the Devil is described as looking like Pan. Goat horns, goat feet, but always the torso of a man. And he’s red, just like the Coca-Cola red of Santa’s suit, and states like Texas. It’s a good thing I don’t read any more conspiracy theories than I already do. You’d probably find me tootling away on my pan-pipes waiting for a bus in the Port Authority. No, there’s a reason I stay away from the real news. It might interrupt my fantasy world. And, I’m afraid, it might actually be more entertaining. And don’t worry about my Christmas—I plan to have an eleventh-hour conversion, just in time to have a chimney installed in my apartment. If I can only be sure I get it done before February.

There's something political going on here...

There’s something political going on here…

5 responses to “The Devil, You Know

  1. Dear Mr. Wiggins,
    i’m an fine art Academy studenti, from Italy. i started to follow your blog from eight or nine months ’till now, and it was a great discovery!
    anyway, i’m writing this text to (maybe) help with the satan hystory. two interesting books by George Minois, (i don’t know if their titles are different for any translation sense in english) “piccola storia dell’Inferno” and “piccola storia del diavolo”, more or less ” little hystory of the devil” and “…of the hell”.
    their good, at least for my humble preparation in religione exc.

    best regard,
    Alessandro

    Like

    • Dear Alessandro,
      Many thanks for the sources (and kind words). I’ll see if I can look these up. I’m reading a book on Satan at the moment, so in a few days I’ll talk about that. And please, everyone just calls me Steve.
      Steve

      Like

      • Ok Steve,
        sorry for the terrible texting in the comment, but i was writing it by phone, so the auto-correction didn’t recognize any english words. Sometimes the errors flips away from my eyes!

        By the way, i’ll wait for your next post!
        Alessandro

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is much better than what I was going to write of Cruz qua diaboli.

    Like

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